I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
