I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
