We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
