Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
