A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We need a shit load of segways right now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
