I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
