Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
