i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
