i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
