Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
