sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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