Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just cropdusted the office
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
