How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
