I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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