I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
