DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
