I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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