I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
