Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
