I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
