Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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