Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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