Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
