I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
