GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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