mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
