in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
