I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
