Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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