drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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