this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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