He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
