Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just want nice things and good sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
