yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
