you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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