dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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