I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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