OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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