WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
