When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
