Well apparently he's into motor boating.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
