If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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