He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
is wine microwaveable?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
