I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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