the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
