apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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