I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
