I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
