I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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