it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize