yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
