if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
