I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I understand Curling. That high.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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