My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
