Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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