the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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