good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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