We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
