yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
