Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
