Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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