Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
