They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
