I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he laminated a picture of his dick.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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