I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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