she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can't turn off my feet"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
