Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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