I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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