Please, let me fuck your mom
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
